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Social Capital

Welcome to Social Capital, a weekly podcast where we dive into social relationships and how the investment you put into them establishes trust, reciprocity, and value within your network. Your host, Lori Highby, will connect with top business professionals to dive into their best techniques and stories to share with you!
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Now displaying: Page 1
Sep 29, 2021

Meet Nicole

Over the past 30 years, Nicole has empowered 1000s of business owners and entrepreneurs to play to their strengths, grow their business, and make a greater impact. As a coach and strategic advisor, she is passionate about helping leaders shift their perspectives and solve complex business and relational issues with the aim of creating a better world for everyone. She is the founder of Discover The Edge and The Leaders of Transformation Podcast, reaching listeners in 140 countries.

What are the fundamental steps to creating transformation in our business and relationships?

I think it all starts with self-awareness and being present with yourself and others. Too often, we are so worried about what we're going to say and how we're going to say it, and what we look like, and all of that we lose connection with the person we're actually seeking to connect with. That's why self-awareness is really important. Presence with yourself and knowing how you're showing up and knowing also then recognizing what's going on for the other person. That's number one, number two, I would say is choosing to care. Having a real sincere interest, and empathy, and just an interest in what is going on with the other person. I think especially nowadays, we need to encourage each other because we don't know what people are going through. To have that spirit of encouragement for other people is really important. The third thing is follow-through. Do what you say, have integrity. If you're not going to do something, don't say you're going to do it. That goes for also saying things like "Oh, yeah, let's do lunch," when you know, in your mind, you're not ever planning to do that, well, then don't say it. Because what it does is number one, it breaks trust with them, because they actually might think that you're going to follow through on that and you don't. But even more importantly, it comes back to yourself, how do you feel about yourself. If I'm constantly saying things and not doing it, even if the other people don't, nobody else knows, I know. So it's really important in creating the transformation that we're looking to create that we have some foundational pieces in place. That applies to business, applies to relationships because of course, every business is a people business.

Can you talk about how we tailor communication and networking styles to match the different personality types that are out there?

It really comes down to going into the other person's world first. So often, we operate from our point of view, and you got to realize in order to connect and relate to different personality types, you have to understand how they receive information because communication is the response you get. Predominantly, I use the disc model of human behavior. That really describes the 4 primary personality types and there's Myers Briggs and all these different ones that you can use. I'll just give you a quick run through it. What's really cool about this tool is that you don't have an opportunity to meeting somebody new, you don't have an opportunity to have them do a full assessment, Myers Briggs to figure out what they are so that you know how to relate to them, you've got to have a way to connect quickly. So there are two questions you can ask yourself: Is this person more outgoing or more reserved? The second question is, are they more task-oriented, or people-oriented? You can get a sense of where they are operating, at least in the moment by answering those questions. So the outgoing task-oriented personality is the D personality and they are dominant. They like to get to the point, lead, and be in charge, they like results and they want to know what are we doing, where are we going, what are we going to make happen. The I personality, which is outgoing and people-oriented are the inspiring type. They like to have fun, and they like to express themselves, they like recognition, they're motivated by recognition, and they want to know who else is doing it. Who else is buying your product, who else is going to that event? The reserved and people-oriented personality is the S, the supportive type. They like to listen, they're people-oriented, but rather than the inspiring type that likes to talk, they like to listen, and they want to get to know you as a person, and they are motivated by harmony and how will this bring harmony? How will this help us work better together? Then the reserved and task-oriented personality, which is the cautious type, they like to learn, they like to be correct, they'll like process and procedure and bring value through details and they like quality. They believe that there's a right way to do things that are wrong ways to do things. So when we understand that there are four different ways to communicate or four different personality types, and of course, there are infinite combinations of all of that, we're all a blend of all four, when you understand that, you can start to relate to people more effectively. Then you can also understand how they make decisions. So a D personality, for example, will decide quickly, an I will decide emotionally, an S will decide slowly, the C will decide carefully. In fact, the C personality type is really the only personality type that really when they say let me think about it, they actually mean, let me think about it. A D will tell you no, generally speaking right off the bat, or they'll say yeah, and then they just want you to go away. The I of course, and the S, are more people-oriented and so forth. So when they say I'll think about it, it really means I don't want to hurt your feelings, I want you to like me, I want you to know that you're cared for and valued as an S personality type will think that. So if you understand how people are thinking and how it's translating on there, and you can go a long way in creating better communication and networking more effectively with other people.

What can we learn about building trust and value from some of our greatest leaders in history?

There are so many great leaders in history and as much as I talk a lot about a leadership crisis. Now, we also do have great leaders in this day and age as well. Some of my favorites are people like Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, Jesus, Solomon, in the Bible, Moses. One of the things that when you look at it as it relates to what we're talking about here, which is social capital, building relationships, and what I wanted to point out was, how they related to others, and especially those who are against them. One of the things that they were definitely practicing is presence. They sought wisdom and understanding that we've also talked about, they realize the value of understanding people skills. Every business is a people business, life is full of relationships, you can't actually have success without other people being involved. Ultimately, life is all about relationships and they understand that and so they learn to develop those skills. Some of them weren't very good in the beginning, and they learned them over time. The other thing is empathy. They had a lot of empathy for people, and like I say, even those that were against them, and I think about Abraham Lincoln, he had one of a general in his army that he disliked and he said, "I don't like this person, I need to get to know them better." It's hard to not like somebody that is up close and that you get to know you start to realize how much commonality that you have. Patience is another thing is. We can learn patience from them. Gandhi was patient even with some of his own followers, who wanted to go off and get violent. I think of Nelson Mandela, 27 years in prison and coming out, and everybody thought that there's going to be hell to pay when he gets out. He came out and said, "No, that's not the way to lead, that's not the way to create reconciliation." Perseverance is another one and I think one of the most important things, especially nowadays is demonstrating responsibility. Our responsibility for communication, our responsibility to lead, and recognize that when we're talking about building trust and value these are the things that people need. I had a guest on my podcast recently, who talked about how you build trust, the speed of trust in businesses and he said that you build trust through predictability. So people know what to expect from you, they know that you're going to act a certain way. If you're unpredictable then it's hard for them to build trust with you. Building value is when you build value for others, you are, it's when you're going into the world, you're getting to know what's important to them and not just from an angle of what can I get. All of these leaders that I just described had outcomes, but they came from a perspective of what can I give, how can I support and encourage and see the best in other people, and as a result of that if you help enough people get what they want, you'll get what you want.

Can you share with our listeners one of your most successful or favorite networking experiences that you've had?

So I've done a lot of networking. I started out my business when I was in my teens and I knew I wanted to be in business for myself. I didn't know what I wanted to do, or what it would all look like, but I just knew that I want to be in business for myself and I started selling things door to door. I went quickly from door to door to cold calling because it was more efficient. Then I discovered networking events and it was so cool because all of these people are were in one place and I could talk to them, and they were not doing their work so they would have time to talk. There are some fun examples of going into networking events and meeting people that were game-changers, or that led to another person. I'm from Toronto and I was going to a networking event. It was raining, and I was tired, it was almost nine o'clock and I thought I am done. So I left and then I realized I forgot my business cards because back in the day, you could put your business cards on this table and so I ran back to get my business card because if I value my business and I value my business cards, I'm not going to let them just be going to waste. So I go back to get them and on the way out the door the second time, I ran into a lady. Her name was Susan and we were both kind of half running to the car cars in the rain, but she introduced herself to me and asked what I do. I said that I was a business coach and she actually said that she was in need of one! We exchanged our contact information and one thing led to another she ended up becoming a client, she also introduced me to someone else, his name was Mike. Mike introduced me to and convinced me to go to BNI which I was not interested in doing at that point and to his chapter. From there I've met so many clients and people that I've mentored and it was such an incredible opportunity but it was being present to what's going on and taking the moment even though we were getting wet to take that moment and meet Susan and that was such a blessing. The second one was down here in California and I was living in LA and I got this message from someone on LinkedIn that I did not know who said that there was a seminar coming up and this guy is going to be speaking and he's super awesome. Normally, you get so many of those you ignore it, but this one something told me to go and so I went and it was Evan Money speaking, which is his real name by the way. I went, had a great time, followed up with him afterward, we got to know each other and he became a good friend. He's introduced me to several amazing people who have become some great friends of mine. I've introduced him to people, I've had him on my podcast a couple of times. He met some of the people and I referred him and he's gone and done business deals and events and masterminds with some of the people that he's met. It was such an incredible opportunity, but it started with me just listening. That person on LinkedIn, I never heard from them or spoke to them again. They were the messenger and that was it, but somehow something said, go to this event.

What advice would you offer the business professional who's looking to grow their network?

I would say there are three things. You need visibility, credibility, and consistency. So, visibility, you've got to establish your presence, you've can establish your online presence. You have a podcast, this gives you a lot of visibility, this also gives you credibility and consistency is that you don't just go and do a whole bunch of anything, and then stop. So it's having the visibility, making sure that people know you exist, because if people don't know you, how can they possibly hire you? How can they possibly even just get to know you and build a friendship or relationship with you, if they don't know you exist? So first of all, it's important to have that visibility. So maybe you start a podcast, maybe you guest on other podcasts, maybe you go online, and you reach out to other people, comment on other people's posts, and genuinely, not just to try to sell them something, but literally go into their world get interested in them. Your credibility is whatever your space is, what your passion is. As so you start to establish your credibility that way, establish it in a way where you're showing your value to others. I believe that every single person has value to bring and has value and a purpose to be here. Because I believe that God is a God of order and he's got an order, and it got a purpose. So if you're here, listening to this message, you have a purpose, and you have value. So it's finding out what that is and share it and you'll make the world a better place when you do. 

If you could go back to your 20-year-old self, what would you tell yourself to do more or less of or differently with regards to your professional career?

Take bigger risks. I fail forward faster. I wouldn't try to do it the right way. I think of Gary Vee, he encourages young people all the time, right? It's like just screw up, make mistakes, try things, see what you like, see what you don't like. That's the first thing and the second thing is to find a mentor and a coach, somebody to help you along the way that has been where you want to go and can give you perspective to save yourself a lot of time. Back then, there weren't mentors and coaches as accessible and as in the volume that there are now. So I always want a mentor I wanted somebody to just tell me what to do. I had to figure it out on my own and it took a lot longer to do it that way. When you find a mentor and a coach and that's what I get to now share with others what I've learned to save them a whole lot of trouble. I can share with you what you can do to compress that time. Is it still going to be an effort? Are you still going to need to go through trial and error and fail forward fast? Yes, you will. We can compress that time and you can learn from my experience or your experience or somebody else's experience with a mentor.

Do you have any final words of advice to offer our listeners with regards to growing and supporting your network? 

First of all, I'll say believe that you're enough. Believe that you're enough when you're going to know that you have value and believing that what you have to offer is valuable and who you are. I would encourage that because then when you're not so worried about your own enoughness, you can actually be with the other person and really hear what's going on. The other thing is from a practical standpoint, I've had people ask me and say how can you get so many referrals and I used to say that the very best way to get referrals is to give them. Don't just give them with the goal of getting something back. I would encourage people to give what they want to receive more back from.

 

Connect with Nicole:

 

Leaders of Transformation Website: https://leadersoftransformation.com/ 

Discover The Edge Website: https://www.discovertheedge.com/

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